Mawwage . . .

My cousin Steve made an honest woman out of the mother of his son yesterday. Unfortunately, it was too late for her to do much about his reputation. . . . but whaddya gonna do? They put on one of the best weddings I've ever attended, which is important, because Lord knows no wedding is complete without the Armed School Teacher's Seal of Approval. Well, Steve and Sarah, I gladly bestow The Seal upon your nuptials.

"NEPOTISM!" I can hear some of you declaring shrilly. Well, you are wrong, sirs und madames. Here's what set the Steve and Sarah wedding apart and won the coveted prize:

• Sanity. A small, casual wedding held in a beautiful, shady backyard. No band, no frantic last-minute crises. Two groomsmen (Steve's brothers, Daryl and Daryl) and two bridesmaids. Kids allowed to play, guests in shorts.
  
• No DJ, no band. Here's a crazy idea--let's NOT pay a stranger to play the Chicken Dance and Cotton Eye Joe. Let's just put the speakers next to the kegs and pop in a CD of music the bride and groom actually like. We won't get to see grandma's face when "Smack My Bitch Up" comes on, but there are always costs to any plan.
• No drunk idiots. Beer was enjoyed by many, but nobody got drunk and yelled anything unfortunate in front of my kids. I liked that. We were among the last of the old folks/parents to trickle out about dusk or so, and the "All My Rowdy Friends" set was arriving as we left. I'm sure the kegs were empty and the staggering was mighty by midnight, but that's their business. My kids were home in bed by that time.
• Most importantly, I don't think there was one person at this wedding who didn't have fun and wasn't happy for Steve and Sarah. It's hard to stay bitter and bitchy when you're eating wedding cake in the grass on a beautiful day.
  

Congratulations, Steve. We've come a long way since the days of putting our heads through drywall and flooding your mom's back yard.. Sarah, I have no sympathy for you; you knew what you were getting into. Good luck!