Overheard in a Minivan

Picking a fight with dad, Attempt the First:

"Dad, are you thinking about buying a motorcycle now that gas costs a lot?"

"Not really. It wouldn't be much use in the winter here, and that's when I have to drive the most. Maybe if we lived in Florida or south Texas."

"Mr. Johnson* has a cool green motorcycle. Why can't you be more like Mr. Bliss*?" (I don't know where that came from, either, folks, I'm just the scribe)

"Yesterday you told me you hated Mr. Bliss because he said that fight was your fault, remember? You don't like him anymore because he held you responsible for what you did."

"Well, I didn't really mean that!"

"Yeah, well, I figured you didn't really mean it, but you said it so you have to deal with it.. And if I act more like Mr. Bliss, I have to act less like myself, buddy. I'd rather be more like myself."

Picking a Fight With Dad, Attempt the Second:

"Dad, when you were a kid, did wish sometimes your friend's dad was your dad?"

"Uh, if I understood what you just said, then no. Why?"

"'Cause I do, a lot."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Because, whenever he gets in trouble, his dad just comes in to the school and he always makes sure he gets him out of trouble."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to be teaching you right from wrong when you're 30, so I'm getting it out of the way now."

Picking a Fight With Dad, Attempt the Third and Final:

"You know, it's not fair that Donovan gets-"

"OK, now it's time for you to be quiet until we get home."

"But-"

"That's not quiet. You are being the opposite of quiet."

". . . ."

*Not real names of Kane's schoolteachers. They've put up with enough for one year.