Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Good Knives, Bad Puns

The Focus Group of One demands discussion of knives. Well, I've been pretty broke, so I haven't gotten a knife since Christmas--for me.

But I did get one in from Grand Prairie Knives yesterday that I rather enjoy. It's just that I bought it for someone else, so I can't keep it.

You see, my friend Scott was my very bestest friend for many years. We shared many life-and-death experiences in that time; I truly don't want to know what the odds would have been on both of us surviving to graduate from high school. Then Scott went off to Illinois College to major in five or six things over many years, while I went to Monmouth College (Home of the Fighting Scots! And Don't Forget, Knuck Fox!) to become a schoolteacher on the four-year plan. Eventually, Scott developed an interest in botany, and then began to specialize in orchids. Before he got his BS in Biology, he had found a way to grow orchids in captivity that had never done so before (something about a specific fungus that has to be in the soil?) He published and was briefly famous in a mild way, and then it was off to Florida to become a Doctor of Botany. Somewhere along the way he married a girl who couldn't stand me (no appreciation for explosions, fire, or fiery explosions, and especially hated guns), and when he lived days away, well, I'm sorry to say we drifted apart a little. He divorced the succubus and remarried a couple of years ago to a great girl, and now he's graduating with his Ph.D and moving to Kansas.

He invited me to his graduation in Florida, but there's no way in the world I can get down there right now. I still wanted to get him a graduation present, but what?

Well, what do I get everyone? Knives, of course. I wanted him to have something classic and understated, something he could carry absolutely anywhere, but I wanted it to have some meaning. That's how I ended up selecting the Case Doctor's Knife:

A long, long, long time ago, doctors on house calls frequently had to crush pills. Accordingly, W.R. Case and sons and a few other manufacturers made "Doctors' Knives" with flat, squared ends suitable for crushing powdered pills. Many also came with a "spatula" blade next to the drop-point, used to divide and mix powders and pills, but I don't think Scott will have need of that.

Get it? A Doctor's Knife? For graduating with a Doctorate? I kill me sometimes.


Todd said...

Nice gift.

TattoedIntellectual said...

Have you ever seen the Laguiole knives? They're very pretty.


Don said...

They're an acquired taste. I like them, but their proportions are awkward, especially when you first see one.

I'm convinced it's a French thing. The French would rather people thought their lines a little on the awkward side than have anyone think they weren't doing things their own way.

TattoedIntellectual said...

I'd believe that. I'm thinking about getting one for my brother, but to be honest outside of the kitchen and thinking they're pretty or not I've got no experience w/ knives.

Don said...

I don't know a lot about them firsthand. I may be going down to St. Louis tomorrow (buying a toilet, serious business) which would necessitate, by law, a visit to Grand Prairie Knives.


They carry some Laguioles; I'll take a look and let you know what I think.

Do you have a cutlery shop nearby? Like, a place with knowledgeable people who will answer questions and let you fondle knives you might not buy? It's a beautiful thing.

10% said...

I have a G. David Laguiole and don't have anything bad to say about them. The round shape wears nicely in the pocket, and they are decidedly non-threatening to the sheeple. They aren't a hard use type knife, but good as a "gentleman's knife".

Strangely enough, I almost went to Monmouth, but decided to stay in TX and go to Southwestern University instead.

Matt G said...

Heh. Don, I've gotten pretty heavy into the knife pun thing before; you were there. It wasn't pretty.

But then again, yes it was; pretty awesome!

Matt G said...

Oh, shoot. Forgot others can't read 'em.

It would be wrong of me to post my own knife puns here...

...but sometimes, you don't wanna be right.

Friend Mike (a cop from a large P.D.) was relating an interesting story about a knife-wielding suspect that had cut up some people.

Peter made a minor "cutting remark" pun.

Then I was compelled to post: "I've no doubt that the neighborhood was worked up. Nothing like a big stropping guy doing mischief with a blade to set the area on edge. Add 40 cop cars arriving hot with their strobes slicing through the night and their sirens cutting the air, and a tang of apprehension will be pushed to the hilt! Y'all caught the guy right? If not, he doubtless had a close shave, but he could get away clean if filet low. That kinda situation can butcher the beat cops' concentration, knowing that their vests serrated for bullets, but not knives."


"Heh. Mike, that was acute little news story, there. No chance of any but the salient facts making it into that one! It was the kind of story that makes you say "Gur" 'kha 's'there's more information that could be obtained, if the reporter would just sit down with a witness who was willing to talk kukri. What was the cusp, one wonders? What caused the sword feelings? 'Course, some don't need reason to get violent; there's scimitar willin' to fight without any point to it.

Lord help me... I have more..."

I have to go for awhile. I feel a little... dirty, just now.