1. If you're too drunk to pronounce the word "ambulance" when you ask to ride with your husband, you're too drunk to be in my rig. But cheer up! As drunk as you are, you stand a good chance of injuring yourself severely before we leave, and then you can have your own ambulance.
2. I don't really need to know the whole story of why your brother pulped your face. There was a LOT of ETOH poured into each family member and a fight broke out. It's not rocket science and it doesn't really affect my end of things.
3. No sense telling the cops you know the law. They don't have to prosecute you, so your legal strategems won't really be an issue for them.
4. If you got punched in the face a lot, you probably won't need a Foley Catheter, and believe me, it's just as well. Try not to sound like you're half hopeful about it, OK? The nurses are going to think you're weird, and we wouldn't want that.
We don't put those in anyway, and finally (and the very most important lesson for tonight, so let me see everyone's eyes up here) nobody, but nobody at this scene has any need to know how many "peeholes" you have, nor do we wish to know their locations.
(Hint: value "Peeholes" > 1)