I Love My Wife

Neanderthal Man: "Hey, you know what they've come up with now?"
Fairy Princess: "You know I never know what they've come up with now."
Neanderthal Man: "Check this out--it's an inflatable hot tub. Is that cool or what?"
Fairy Princess: "Oh my . . . if I had $500 on me, I would buy that right now."
Neanderthal Man: "Well, let's sell a gun!"
Fairy Princess: "OH NO! We are not selling any guns."
Neanderthal Man: [with feeling] "You have never been hotter. Ever."

(That's right, kids, when you're old and married you end up at Meijer on the 4th of July, because baby formula and dog food can't wait. You'll get old, too, kid, and when you do, you'll look sillier than me because I don't have a lip ring or "SLIM SHADY" tattoos down my forearms.
Also, ladies, fear not, la luz de mi corazon will have her hot tub this year. It's budgeted into her dream master bath, scheduled for completion after the nursery and the upstairs bathroom.)