Sunday, July 22, 2007

"I'm The Only One Professional Enough to Watch Too Many Movies . . ."

Jermaine Bell is not a smart man.

I don't know him, but I know that much. How can I be so sure?

Well, Jermaine Bell is a guard at Cook County Jail (the Citadel of Damned Souls.) That doesn't necessarily make him an idiot, although I'd be unlikely to buy him a beer for it.

What makes him an idiot is that he did the following three things:

1. He decided it would be a good idea to take out his pistol at the "Schererville Golf and Fun Center"--and managed to fire a round. Why? One can only wonder.

2. When the police arrived to ask him why anyone would do such a thing, he showed them his badge and informed them that he was carrying. Carrying a Glock 7, that is.
No, that's not a misprint--Glock 7. Like the one John McClain took off a terrorist in Die Hard II: Die Harder Again For The Second Time In A Row.

3. While the cops were, presumably, picking their jaws up off the ground and trying to figure out what Bell had been smoking, they made the terrible mistake of asking him why he had busted a cap at the Fun Center.
His explanation? He was trying to engage the safety. That's difficult on a Glock, because they don't have external safety switches. The Glock safety is a small "trigger safety" and is engaged whenever your finger is off the trigger.
In other words, all this mope had to do was to keep his finger off the trigger and his gun would have been safe. Too much to ask from a cook County CDS guard, I guess.

To their credit, Cook County Sheriff's Department says he's been "De-deputized." Good call, guys!

Honestly, I have to wonder whether this story is accurate. Maybe they issued him a Glock 17, and the guy made an honest mistake. Otherwise I can't quite feature it. Or maybe the cops were having a little fun with the reporter . . . although Commander Reno of the Schererville PD apparently told the reporter all about the Glock 7's cinematic origins, so who knows?

I wonder if they did any drug testing? I think I'd be tempted to issue at least a field sobriety test if someone told me "Officer, it's OK! I ass'ently fired my Glock 7 on the fourth hole of the mini-golf, but I'm a guard at Cook County CDS and I'm the only one professional enough, that I know of, on the min-golf to carry a ceramic handgun!"

1 comment:

david said...

Maybe the infamous Glock 7 is equipped with a safety. How can you know?