Sunday, July 22, 2007

You'll Be Happy To Know . . .

That AOL/Google considers this very website you're reading right now (you ARE reading it, right? Don't hurt my feelings) to be the interweb's Number One source on the compelling, contemporary, yet timeless subject of "Jeff Cooper gay finish line okla".

The mind boggles. However, do not attempt to pigeonhole me; I am also highly ranked on the subjects of "Jesse Jackson aND PROPOSED CHANGE TO FIREARM REGULATION" (no surprise there, really) and "gun carrying fags" (Can guns carry fags? Do they smoke them? One wonders. Then one stops wondering and swills Mountain Dew.)

To whoever spent some time perusing these pages from the Wyoming Department of Education, I have important words. Read them and be refreshed:

1. YES, I do want to live in Wyoming. Very much. Is it true that you can't smell Chicago from out there?

2. NO, I promise you that I will never, ever, EVER utter the words "That's just not how we did things back East." Really.

3. I'd like to do some elementary work, but I'm certified up through middle school and I do enjoy the MS kids. My wife would prefer to keep working with kids on the Autism spectrum.

4. Can my parents come, too? Dad's got a beard and lots of guns, but he's a nice guy.

5. Don't mention this to my wife, Wyoming. She is adamant that we will leave Illinois only for warmer places, never colder. She doesn't understand you like I do, Wyoming. What we have is special.


Hey, you know what I just realized? That guy searching for "gun carrying fags" probably wasn't talking about cigarettes at all. That makes Mr. Gwinn feel downright uncharitable. Can't sneak anything by me.

5 comments:

Tom said...

Don,
I got lost in Wyoming once. I'm pretty sure a beard and lots of guns makes you a more desirable resident there rather than less, so your dad should be OK.

"Radio free NJ" isn't number 1 on anything, but I'm far enough up on the list of Joe Piscopo's jokes, to get a mention, and apparently I'm a very big hit with everyone in the Philippines who is interested in knowing about the NJ "fish and Game" council.

Go figure.

BobG said...

I've spent a lot of time in Wyoming, and it's not a bad place, but the wind never stops blowing. Whoever called Chicago "The Windy City" never spent any time in Caspar, Wyoming. In the winter time after a snowstorm, the snow will form moving 6 foot drifts for days after, rather than just melting.

Tam said...

I'm still trying to figure out why Google ads thought my blog would be a good place to pimp maternity swimwear. I mean, you could write out everything there is to know about my maternal instinct on the back of a postage stamp, longhand, and still have room for the Bill of Rights and the Magna Carta.

Don Gwinn said...

Maybe something about a bikini photo and embarassment?

Oleg said...

Come to Tennessee. Not as free as WY but warmer and still beter than IL.