Friday, June 8, 2007

Here I am. You may adore and venerate my person now.

All right, I'm going to level with you all. I don't know exactly what I'm going to write here. Truth be told, I got really jealous of Tamara, and then I saw that Matt has a blog, too, and, I mean, George has got a Horde. Who doesn't want a horde?

But I got nothin' much to say, so I guess I'll just answer some imaginary questions that nobody asked.

Ummm . . . . aren't you going to get fired for calling yourself an "armed school teacher?"

Well . . . . uh . . . . gee, I hope not. Obviously I'm not going around armed while I'm at school. That's illegal and frankly unnecessary. I'd like to see CCW for teachers approved, but I'm not afraid to teach school without it. The reality is that American schools are not likely places to get shot. We get a lot of threats and assorted silly posturing nowadays, because that's what adolescents do, but my job doesn't involve any more rational fear of some kid with a gun than yours does, because the actual shootings are so very rare.
All that said, I don't make any secret of the fact that I'm a shooter and a knife collector. My bosses know this about me. They really couldn't care less as long as I do a good job of teaching children.

What's with the hat?

If you have to ask, you'd be better off googling "Firefly browncoat" and reading up a little.
If you knew that was Jayne's cunning hat, know this too: that hat was my Christmas present from my beautiful wife last year. She learned to knit so she could knit me Jayne's hat in my size (XXXHuge) by hand. She knows me well. I don't think she expected it to be my daily wear hat, though.

Why guns? Don't you think guns cause too much death and violence? You can't hug your children with nuclear arms, you know.

Why guns? Because I like guns. I enjoy the engineering that goes into a firearm, and I love the capability-and the difficulty--of smacking a target, especially a moving one. I have a modest collection compared to many, but then again, all my guns are shooters. Some are very old, but I own NO safe queens.

Are you really an ambulance driver?

I am; I drive for Prairieland Ambulance Company in Virden, IL . . . . as dismaying a bunch of rejects and misfits as one is likely to find this far from the Illinois State Legislature. I actually get paid a small stipend, which pays for some of our small luxuries like taking the kids to the movies.
Here I have a bone to pick with "Ambulance Driver."
That guy is not an ambulance driver. I am an ambulance driver. The difference is one of skills and training and dedication. You see, I drive an ambulance. That's it. I am not an EMT-B. I am not an EMT-B. I am not, like that faker, a paramedic. In short, I'm not qualified to recommend aspirin for your headache, and under no circumstances am I allowed to treat patients, advise patients, or look patients directly in the face. My job description reads, and I quote:
"Shut up, drive the rig, and make sure you have it spotless by the time it's time to go back in service, plebe."

OK, I haven't read it, but that's how I see it in my mind's eye.

Maybe I'll post more later. Then again, maybe not.

14 comments:

Ambulance Driver said...

Yeah, but Don, "A Day In The Life Of An Ambulance RIDER" just didn't have the same ring...

Joseph said...

Okay, I think I'm gonna bookmark this.

LawDog said...

Get yourself a SiteMeter link, bro.

Scott said...

Cold Steel knives and swords = good! I just love my Grosse Messer!

Marko said...

A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.

Don Gwinn said...

Sitemeter? I'm not going to lie to you; I don't know what that is.

Cold Steel is badly overhyped and Lynn is kind of a nerd, but they make stuff other people don't make--like that Grosse Messer, for instance. They get some credit for that.
They also gave MadOgre a bunch of knives for his care package to the troops, so they can't be all bad.
I'm a Spyderco/Benchmade guy, though.

Ambulance Driver, it's all in good fun. After I posted that, I was on duty last night and remembered another thing they let me do here--lift patients. The bigger the patient, the more independence and personal responsibility I am allowed in this task. It's really quite good for my self-esteem.
There was a lady last night who required strict deadlift form--and that was with the front of the gurney already on the rig.

LawDog said...

http://www.sitemeter.com/

Fathairybastard said...

All well said. Also have a CCL, but don't walk into school with it. Leave it in the car.

elliot said...

Every day is Jayne's Day. Welcome to the blogosphere.

Matt G said...

It's about.

Fricking.

Time.


And... Gwinny? Are we going to have poetry on this one, too? We're not, are we? Well... okay.


Slide to the extreme bottom center of my page, and you'll see a tiny little green icon. Click on that, and you'll understand the importance of SiteMeter.

Jonathan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jonathan said...

I enjoy the engineering that goes into a firearm, and I love the capability-and the difficulty--of smacking a target

I totally agree.

I just read about your blog, courtesy of Matt G. So I thought I'd take a look.

Good to see another central illinois blogger with an interest in firearms.

Don Gwinn said...

And... Gwinny? Are we going to have poetry on this one, too? We're not, are we? Well... okay.

I promise.

Unless I feel like it.

Sitemeter is pretty neat. So far it says I've had two visitors from opposite ends of Australia, plus folks from Sweden and Germany. Pretty neat for an old clodhopper like me. I think my generation was the last to really remember a time when only rich jerks had cell phones and there were no internets.

Rorschach said...

You mean they actually let you own stuff that goes BANG in Illinois? Who knew that the people's Republic of Illinois was that trusting of it's slaves?